How Do I Get Sticky Hand Residue Off a Ceiling?!?
(CW: I am constitutionally unable to be normal in the face of "sticky hand residue")
Hi Jolie!
My kids threw a bunch of those small sticky balls that stick to the ceiling yesterday and now there’s a ton of stains. I saw pineapple was your recommendation for sticky hand toys. Do you think this will work as well? If so, can you send me the cleaning recipe? Thank you!
Before we begin what will be an exceedingly bizarre cleaning lesson (the best kind!), you should know that the subject line of this email was "Ceiling sticky stain" and, if you've been with me for any period of time, you should also know that my mind immediately crafted 10,000 dirty jokes about "ceiling sticky stains."
Jolie gonna Jolie.
Today we're gonna Jolie but in a less dirty-minded way (booo!) but I promise it will be heavy on weird and delightful (yessss).
Our Letter Writer already gave things away: The answer to "How do I get sticky toy residue off of ceilings and walls?" is "With pineapple juice." but you will still have questions! So let me back things up and tell you about sticky toys — hands, balls … I'm going to stop here because I just said, "hands," then "balls," and none of us need me and my dirty mind filling in a third thing. Let me just say this: It's shocking that someone has not invented adult novelty sticky toys. Imagine the fun the Woo-Hoo Girls would have flinging Sticky Dicks onto ceilings at bachelorette parties! The AirBnBs of greater Nashville would not be safe!
Sticky Toys Are Made with Gelatin, and That's a Clue!
Okay let me do my best to focus here: Many years ago, I was asked about cleaning Sticky Hand toy residue off of walls and ceilings. I suggested a few things (Magic Eraser, absorbent cornstarch paste, Pine Sol, Simple Green) none of which worked — the shadow-y Sticky Hand was still visible on this poor lady's wall. And I was hitting a wall of my own: There was just nothing on the internet about how to get these stains out.
When that happens, it means that I have some unraveling to do, and the first place I start when an unraveling is called for is with ingredients lists. I love-love-love an ingredients list! In the case of Sticky Hand and Other Body Part toys, consulting the ingredients turned up the clue I needed — one of the active ingredients in Sticky Hands is gelatin.
Gelatin is a curious substance, and I knew from my investigations into hardened Jello shots and the removal of same that pineapple is the natural enemy of gelatin. So I told the Sticky Hand lady to try cleaning her walls with pineapple juice, which was actually insane of me but … it worked. Lol. I told you things would be weird and delightful!
Okay But How Are We Cleaning Walls with Pineapple Juice??
This is the point in the story where LW finds us, he is clearly familiar with the literature and knows that pineapple juice is The Thing for both fossilized Jello and for sticky toy residue removal. But he has questions on techniques! And I have answers!! I also want to say thank you to that long lost lady who performed the original Sticky Hand field work — if you're out there, stop by and say hi so we can fête you appropriately for your service!!!
Here is what we've learned so far about using pineapple to remove a Sticky Hand or Other Parts stain on a wall or ceiling:
Any sort of pineapple seems to work! Canned pineapple juice worked to remove the stains, and rubbing fresh pineapple on the area worked equally well. Use what you've got! The thing about pineapple is that it contains an enzyme that gelatin is allergic to, which is why it works to defeat its jiggly foe.
Given the choice, I'd tell you to buy a small can of pineapple juice and use that.
If you use juice, apply it to a rag and gently scrub the stain. You may have to repeat the process several times for the pineapple to penetrate and fully break down the gelatin.
Since the stain is on the ceiling, a long-handled microfiber cleaning tool will allow you to reach the surface. You can also get on a ladder but I don't like to talk about ladders ever since my ladder tried to kill me.
If you use fresh pineapple, cut a large piece so you can get a good grip on it; this might actually be a good use for the top of the pineapple, because its fronds can serve as a handle of sorts! Oh my God how fun, I might need to fling some Sticky Shit at my walls just so I can play French maid with a pineapple top!! (I will not actually do that!!!)
After the gelatin stain is gone — and this is ALL CAPS IMPORTANT — go over the area with a damp rag to remove the juice, then do that at least two more times. If you let the juice dry on the walls or the ceiling or whatever, you're going to end up with 1. A new but different stain; 2. A sticky patch that will attract dust and dirt and look gross; 3. Insects.
LOL at sticky ceiling stains! I was also shocked by the pineapple juice bc my thought was - that's super sticky, no?! But then I read to the end and it all came together! Great tips!
Would meat tenderizer (heh) do the same thing, except without the risk of residue/staining? It’s a white powder—I’m thinking you could use it like cleanser—put some on a damp cloth and rub the sticky stains with the powder, let it sit, and then wipe the residue off with a damp cloth?