The Rules & Regulations Regarding Garbage Disposals

Avoiding the Dreaded Carrot Water Spew (IYKYK)

The best thing I wrote in 2024 was an article about plumbing.

Now, I know you know that there are articles about plumbing and then there are Jolie Kerr articles about plumbing and so if you're like, "Oh wow, yes, Jolie wilded out in the pages of a national newspaper and I must go see how weird her editors allowed her to go," you get it. If you're like, "Plumbing? What?" then, God, I don't even know what to tell you other than you might want to seek out a more normal-feeling cleaning advice newsletter.

Okay so! For those of you who are still with me, the plumbing article features the usual: Condoms, Superman, sex toys, instant mashed potatoes, all the old friends. I am exceedingly proud of it and I would like you to clickity-click-click so that I may be paid to write more unhinged articles about plumbing and other strange matters. Please and thank you!

One of the plumbing experts I interviewed for the story, Docia Boylen (who told me her title is "Boss Lady," and so obviously I fell immediately in love), brought up garbage disposals, which resulted in a quick detour in our conversation — I told her that I'd promised you that I'd codify a set of garbage disposals rules after one of the Amy Army went rogue and all hell broke loose, and asked if she'd lend her expertise. She did! So, as promised, here come The Rules & Regulations Regarding Garbage Disposals.

Categories of Food That Do Not Go in the Disposal

It wouldn't be reasonable to expect you to commit a long list of foods that cannot go in the disposal to memory, but obviously I will provide one because I do love thoroughness! It will be more helpful, though, to start with categories or types of foods that, generally speaking, should not go in the disposal. Boss Lady says there are a few main types of food to keep out of the disposal. They are:

1. FOGs: FOGs stands for Fats, Oil, and Grease, and the category also includes peanut butter and other nut butters, as well as dairy. Who knew?!? This one is my favorite because it's got a kicky nickname :)

2. Stringy Vegetables: Vegetables like celery, asparagus, rhubarb, and corn husks have long fibers that can get tangled and wrapped around the disposal blade, jamming it up kind of like how hair can get tangled around a vacuum's rotator brush.

3. Starchy Foods: Pasta, rice, potatoes and their peels, beans, batter, and other starchy foods can expand in water, creating a blockage; starchy foods also tend to form a sticky paste in pipes that can cause major clogs — and require a plumber to literally have to cut sections of pipe out to clear the blockage with a shop vac. NO STARCHY FOODS!

4. Hard Foods: Bones, pits, and shellfish are some of the foods that should not go in the garbage disposal, because they are too hard for the blades to handle.

5. Large Quantities of Food: Putting a lot of food waste in a disposal at once can overwhelm and jam the system, creating backups and clogs, and causing damage to the system. If you do need to put food in the garbage disposal, rather than in the trash, Boss Lady says "Feed food gradually in small amounts."

An Unending Itemized List of Foods That Do Not Go in the Disposal That Will Need to Be Updated Until the End of Time

Who will volunteer to maintain the running list after I perish?

Peanut butter

Almond and other nut butters

Butter

Milk

Sour cream

Yogurt

Heavy cream

Ice cream

Rice

Pasta

Potatoes

Beans

Quinoa and other grains

Coffee grounds

Celery

Asparagus

Corn husks

Artichokes

Rhubarb

Edamame

Bones

Fruit pits

Shellfish

Eggshells

Grease

Oil

Fat

Tips for Maintaining a Disposal So That It Does Not Vomit On You

Some of you will remember this story: One Easter, I shoved a metric ton of carrot peelings down the garbage disposal. I had my reasons! (My reasons were that, at the time, I did not have a garbage disposal — right, it was not my garbage disposal that I befouled with the peelings! — and I was so taken with the novelty of preparing a holiday meal in a human kitchen that I abandoned all sense.) Unsurprisingly, this created a massive clog! Perhaps a bit surprisingly, or maybe not, the attempts to clear the pipes resulted in carrot water spewing all over me on Easter Sunday.

If you've ever wondered why I hate holidays … well.

So we want to avoid garbage disposal vomit at all costs, as well as lesser garbage disposal evils like smells and drain flies. Boss Lady provided some maintenance tips for us:

• Don't put things in the garbage disposal that shouldn't be in there (see above)

• Run cold water for 15 seconds after using the garbage disposal

• Grind small pieces of citrus peels – the oils help clean the blades and freshen the disposal

• Run the disposal regularly even if you have nothing to grind up to prevent rust and corrosion

• Routine Cleaning with Dish Soap: Flush the drain using dish soap and water

• Routine Cleaning Using the Volcano Method: Put a half cup of baking soda followed by one cup of vinegar down the drain, enjoy the fizzy reaction, then flush with hot water

• Commercial garbage disposal tablets for routine cleaning exist but are certainly not necessary

• Deep Cleaning: Periodically grind up ice cubes to help sharpen the blades and scrape away any residue (sidebar: I have the hearing of a bat and this is the worst thing in the world). You can add citrus peels for extra cleaning/freshening, or a few tablespoons of course salt, which will lend scouring power

Signs That Something Has Gone Very Wrong, and What To Do About It

The Garbage Disposal/Drain Smells

First, try one of the methods above — the ice, the citrus, the dish soap, the BS&V — to flush out any odor-causing bacteria or particles. "If you can’t get the odor to leave," Boss Lady says "see if you have food stuck in there that you can dislodge."

The Garbage Disposal/Drain Is Backed Up

When there's a backup, Boss Lady says to try one or all of these three methods to clear the clog:

• Start by turning off the disposal and water, and use a flashlight and a tongs to check for obvious clogs — do not use your hands for this job, please!

• Fill the sink with a few inches of water and use a plunger to dislodge the clog

• Many disposal have a reset button on the bottom or side that you can press to reset the unit OR they have a manual reset underneath the unit (you may need an Allen wrench socket to manually reset a disposal)

Call a Plumber When …

• The garbage disposal is making strange or loud noises

• It is slow to drain

• There are persistent odors

• There are frequent clogs

• There is a water leak

• The disposal needs frequent resets

• The grinding mechanism is weak

• The garbage disposal won’t turn on

One Last Thing! (Okay Three Last Things)

There are three things that Boss Lady wishes more people knew about their garbage disposal! They are:

1. It is not a trash can and is not meant for large kitchen waste

2. Not all scraps are created equal

3. They have a lifespan of 8-15 years