✨A Gift Guide, From Me to You✨

Actually practical things that make great gifts (and won't get you killed!)

When I was in my 20s, I had a boyfriend who went on a trip and bought me back a Crock-Pot from Wal*Mart as a gift. I was displeased. He meant well! But ooof. (The Wal*Mart of it all was icing on the shitty gift cake. There's nothing wrong with Wal*Mart, nor with buying gifts from Wal*Mart, but "Sweetie, I missed you so much, here's a Crock-Pot I bought you at Wal*Mart," does not a great gift make.) The point of all of this is that, if you're going to give a practical gift, make sure it feels gifty. That boyfriend could have gone to Target for the Michael Graves slow cooker and I would have been over the moon. Instead, I went to Target for the Michael Graves slow cooker and "lost" the Wal*Mart Crock-Pot in a move. (I never let on to that boyfriend that I was disappointed in the gift, btw. I've just been holding that in for the last 20+ years! Also the joke was on me because the Michael Graves slow cooker was kind of a dud.)

I've been writing versions of this gift guide for a lot of years — what started as A Clean Person's Gift Guide back in my blogging days has morphed into a literal series of what are now called Practical Gift Guides. (Here's the one I did for Valentine's Day this year.) But I realized I miss the looseness of those old blogging days, so I decided to do a version of the practical gift guide here. Naturally, it spiraled into something unmanageable!

I started breaking the thing up into four sections —  Actually Giftable Practical Things; Gifts That Won't Become Clutter; Giftsies; and Deeply Seasonal Things — but then each section got so long that I decided it was better to separate them. So! This first round features some practical things that I think feel gifty enough to, um, gift. YMMV! Use caution when giving anything that smacks of practicality!! Remember the Wal*Mart Crock-Pot as you would the Alamo!!!

Actually Giftable Practical Things

The #CleanTok Steam Cleaner

I always have fun testing viral cleaning agents and tools, mostly because almost all of them are awful and it turns out that I love dragging shitty products for filth. My editors love this less! But once in a blue, I'm asked to test something that I end up really loving and the #CleanTok steam cleaner, a.k.a. the Bissell Steam Shot, is one of those items. Man, do I ever love this thing! I want to flag, though, that -1- it's dangerously close to Wal*Mart Crockpot territory; -2- In my review, I flagged a potential safety hazard and, yep, a few months later there was a big recall; and -3- even though I love it, it doesn't make its way out of the Cleaning Closet very often. That's a nice way of saying it's a useful tool but also: High Clutter Potential :/ $41 at Bissell

Anything Dyson

Pretty self-explanatory: Dyson manages to take everyday items and soup them up with incredibly sexy form and function, so you're getting the best vacuum and the best-looking vacuum. Or hairdryer. Or air purifier. 

Spendy, though.

Water Bottle Cleaning Sets

Oh my God all of your water bottles are harboring vermin and parasites, you have no idea how upset I am all the time about the state of your water bottles! ANYway.

A water bottle cleaning set is a great little gift for the Emotional Support Water Bottle girlies. Here are a few sets I like that each have a slightly different ~vibe~ and let’s all agree not to talk about how the SLT bottle brush looks like a butt plug!

3 in 1 Cup Lid Cleaning Brush Set, $6 
Sur La Table Bottle and Straw Brush Set, $19 
Bottle Bright Cleaning Kit, $18 
Boon Cacti Bottle Cleaning Brush Set, $13 

Kits for Your Fashion Person 

I go back and forth on these types of gifts, because they definitely have High Clutter Potential, but overall I think a curated kit for keeping one's fashions looking good is a nice thing to have, and something we don't typically buy for ourselves. I always recommend the Jason Markk kits — the founder, Jason Angsuvarn, is someone whose expertise I've called on many times over the years and he's always been so generous with his time and knowledge. Here are some specific kits to check out that I think make good gifts for the Fashion Person in your life:

The Quick Clean Kit is a practically perfect gift — it can be used for sneakers, dress shoes, hats, suedes, leathers, knits AND its price point of $20 makes it even better.

The Starter Box is $30 and has everything that a sneakerhead could want to keep their kicks clean. 

The Leather Care Kit is a bit spendier at $50, but it's a nice set and would make a great gift for someone who is super into their leather goods, or for a person getting a new leather bag that they're really excited about, or for the leather-clad rock star in your life. We all have one of those, and man, are they ever hard to shop for. Give them the gift of caring for their leathers!

A Gleener Fabric Shaver

This is The One True Fabric Shaver. I've tried every fabric shaver. All of them. This is The One. Go forth and buy one for all The Sweater People in your life. $20 at Gleener 

Earbud Cleaning Kits

Oh my God all of your earbuds are harboring vermin and parasites, you have no idea how upset I am all the time about the state of your earbuds! ANYway. An earbud cleaning set is a great little gift for literally any- and everyone because Oh my God all of your earbuds are harboring vermin and parasites, you have no- well, you've gotten the idea by now. JLab Multipurpose Cleaning Kit for Your Headphones, Earbuds, Keyboard, Mouse/Mice, Microphones, Laptop, Tablet, Cellphone, $15 

Fancy Detergents

Well you knew this was coming! I think a Fancy Detergent makes a great gift but I would say that, wouldn't I? Here are two I like that I think are giftable enough to make up for the fact that you're giving someone laundry detergent.

Soak Laundry Soap is a no-rinse detergent that's perfect for hand-laundering because: No-rinse. I like the Celebration scent for gifting because: Celebration, but there are other scents (and a scent-free formula!) to choose from. Are you shopping for a knitter? This is The Stuff for them. (Need more gift ideas for the crafter in your life? I got you covered!) $18 at Soak Wash 

The DedCool x OUAI collab is another detergent that feels super gift-y to me — great packaging, irresistible scents, brands-of-the-moment, A+. I'm waiting on a shipment of this stuff but I feel pretty confident recommending it even without having tried it because I am obsessed with Ouai's scents. Dedcool x OUAI Dedtergent, $38 

The Best Sheet Pans in the World

Ugh I hate myself for this but: The Great Jones sheet pans are a revelation. The brand sent me their 3-piece set earlier this year and I genuinely cannot get over these incredible sheet pans. I was always a person who refused to be precious about sheet pans — I actually have a Q in the queue about restoring banged up old sheet pans to their former glory and my answer was basically, "Let them be ugly!" and now my answer is, "Throw them away and get a new one, very specifically the Great Jones one." :/ — but these sheet pans are -1- so attractive and -2- seemingly impossible to stain, which is WILD in a sheet pan? and also -3- absurdly easy to clean.

I have ABUSED these sheet pans over the past six months or so, and they still look pretty much brand new? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?? I have the set of three sheet pans (two half sized and one full sized), which is $85 at Great Jones, but I pretty much always use the half sheet, which you can buy on its own for $40 and which would still make a great gift at a lower price point.

A Humidifier That Isn't Hideous and Beset with Cooties

The most important thing to me in a humidifier is that it's easy to clean and the second most important thing to me in a humidifier is that it's easy to fill and the third most important thing to me in a humidifier is that it's attractive. This humidifier is all three of those things. (This humidifier exists in my home mostly to mist an incredibly temperamental calathea I rescued from a neighbor because apparently calatheas expect to be misted like they're Martha Stewart on an airplane.) $100 at Hey Dewy

Actually Good Cleaning Wipes

I'm not a cleaning wipes gal, but I quite like the Biom Cleaning Wipes. Truthfully, I only use these for one thing and that is to wipe off my library books BUT I know most people like cleaning wipes more than I do so for the wipes set: Biom wipes are fantastic. I love the dispenser's design, it comes in great colors, the scents are A++, they're super gentle, just an all-around great product. $32 at Biom

Having just said all of that about cleaning wipes and recommending a different wipe is wild of me but I'm gonna do it anyway! If I were to consider myself a cleaning wipes gal, it would be because of Crocodile Cloth, which is A M A Z I N G. These are the One True Cleaning Wipes. I am obsessed. OBSESSED! These feel very Dad-coded to me you know, as a dad, so if you need a good Dad Gift, get him some Crocodile Cloth. $22 at Crocodile Cloth

Okay! Please take to the comments because now it’s your turn — sing to us of your great practical gift ideas! Tell us about horrible gifts you have received!! Work out 20+ year-old feelings about exes!!! We entering the worst a very stressful time of year, so if you want to use this space to get some stuff out, that’s A-OK.